April Fox

There's thing that happens where it just
stops. 
The caring, I mean
and I hope it happens like that for everyone
(well, almost everyone;
some folks deserve to suffer
even though
it's impolite to say so)
it's so much nicer than the prolonged agony
of heartbreak
that I've heard about. 

I got these sideways looks for a while, like
--and someone even said
you can't really just
stop
like that and
someone said oh it's gonna hit you and it just
didn't. 

I know the timeline
Sometime in the spring I thought,
maybe it hasn't just
stopped
So I drove for hours only to find some kind of
Amish rumspringa frat party situation and I thought
What the hell is this
Like David Byrne but not very happy at all and in June
I drove to New York City with my kid
and I felt this thing like,
someone's in my house and I just
didn't care and in July
I said
We're taking my car in case I have to leave you there
In case it goes like last time
And on the last day there I laid in a leaky tent
all night
after he said he had to go for just an hour 
(working, he said, although the bills were never, well
you know)
And all night, a few feet away, they were screaming and I felt trapped
in some kind of movie time warp
surrounded by the loud obnoxious adolescent LOOK AT ME extroverts
who made life hell
when I was young
and they were horny, spun out
on fancy brand name substances and hormone imperfections
Kale yeah! all night
and I got up with the sun when he came back
and tried to sleep
and tried to pout and I walked out
and drove home
and I was done
left him there to find his way
with whatever garbage he'd collected in the field and even then he said
No I want to
No you have to
I'm sorry I'm a fuckup
And in the fall, when I was told
He must be dying and I felt like shit because
You know that
I'd just stopped
And I found him, trashed and tossed over the bed of some
coke-soaked local prostitute I thanked the stars
I hadn't let him touch me in forever and I just
I Just 
took a breath and closed the door
And walked away
Relieved.