April Fox

the problem with falling into step
with someone else, when you have always been
miles behind
or inches ahead
or going in opposite directions is that you begin to rely
on the other shadow to guide you
walking into the street because
the shadow next to yours keeps going
never looking up you are
trusting something
you can’t touch

what if
tomorrow
everything went dark and there was no
shadow to guide me
what would i write about
then?

my pen would scratch the page, indecipherable
scribbles,
ugly words, i would turn us into
something that we weren’t
crumpled paper
torched in the sink
i couldn’t say that what we had
was anything but right

walking with your shadow, i am
safe
and without the light
i would break my pencils
smash my keyboard
stricken dumb and stupid
i would cut my tongue out
cauterize the wound with alcohol and
bleach.

night, pitch dark
wide awake, my eyes adjust
shadows melted into sky and wall and doorways are just
darker spots of dark
blind, i reach over
find your hand,
titanium
and gold
i know the way by heart now
i could burn my eyes out
wouldn’t matter
anymore.